Post by The Dan on Jul 4, 2015 12:12:54 GMT 12
What are Values?
- guidelines to live by
- things most important to You - conscience
- you are willing to sacrifice for them
- a reference point for difficult decisions and actions
- a measurement for connections with others / alignment
Why should you try to live by your values?
- Values calibrate you towards a purposeful and meaningful existence.
- Living by your own core values leads to satisfaction, fulfillment and enjoyment of life without requiring results and outcomes.
- Decision making is simplified.
What it means to live by your Values:
- Authentic actions - uncompromising and unapologetic - shamelessness. Doing what is right for you in the moment and long term. It is an endless process, not a destination to achieve.
- They are based on behaviour, you do not need to feel 'good' to live by your values, and feeling good or comfortable is no guarantee that you are living by values.
- "Should" or "must" are words that come up with societal expectations - the values other people want for you.
- If you have to justify your behaviour to yourself, you're probably not living by values - the biggest warning sign is feelings of regret.
- Values are unchanging guidelines underneath a constantly changing reality. They are all about MOTIVE - not what you are doing but why you are doing it.
- You need to be consciously aware of what your values are to live by them consistently.
Identifying your values - the 3 questions:
- what does it mean to be a good person? (the Values you currently have convinced yourself that you're already living by)
- what do you see in people you admire? (the Values you believe in but do not see yourself living by)
- what do you see in people you envy? (the excuses you give yourself to avoid living by the harder values)
How to live by your values:
- Decisions must be made based on present (right now) evidence. You must eliminate assumptions, mind-reading and fear-based false evidence.
- Let go of outcomes and results. Assume you have nothing to lose, and be prepared to sacrifice everything for integrity.
- You don't have to become the boldest most shameless warrior overnight. Just start small and try to get on the "right side of the tracks" in terms of values.
- Create questions that trigger valued behaviour and ask yourself these regularly throughout the day, e.g. "What does it mean to be honest right now?" - Stop and think before you react, when you notice emotional escalation.
- Rules and goals are methods to live by values, not the values themselves.
- The key is to learn the difference between the Real Self (who you currently are), the Ought Self (who you have been taught to think you should be) and the Ideal Self (the person you wish you were).
- Know that it will often be simply but not easy. Values often require discomfort.
- Observe your behaviour and reflect on it regularly (e.g. journalling). Learn to recognise the signs of valued behaviour, and the warning signs or triggers to non-valued behaviour.
Your homework and resources:
- look up Eckhart Tolle and Dr Russ Harris
- write a list of your Values, here's a worksheet to help you
- article on the difference between values, goals, virtues and rules
- guidelines to live by
- things most important to You - conscience
- you are willing to sacrifice for them
- a reference point for difficult decisions and actions
- a measurement for connections with others / alignment
Why should you try to live by your values?
- Values calibrate you towards a purposeful and meaningful existence.
- Living by your own core values leads to satisfaction, fulfillment and enjoyment of life without requiring results and outcomes.
- Decision making is simplified.
What it means to live by your Values:
- Authentic actions - uncompromising and unapologetic - shamelessness. Doing what is right for you in the moment and long term. It is an endless process, not a destination to achieve.
- They are based on behaviour, you do not need to feel 'good' to live by your values, and feeling good or comfortable is no guarantee that you are living by values.
- "Should" or "must" are words that come up with societal expectations - the values other people want for you.
- If you have to justify your behaviour to yourself, you're probably not living by values - the biggest warning sign is feelings of regret.
- Values are unchanging guidelines underneath a constantly changing reality. They are all about MOTIVE - not what you are doing but why you are doing it.
- You need to be consciously aware of what your values are to live by them consistently.
Identifying your values - the 3 questions:
- what does it mean to be a good person? (the Values you currently have convinced yourself that you're already living by)
- what do you see in people you admire? (the Values you believe in but do not see yourself living by)
- what do you see in people you envy? (the excuses you give yourself to avoid living by the harder values)
How to live by your values:
- Decisions must be made based on present (right now) evidence. You must eliminate assumptions, mind-reading and fear-based false evidence.
- Let go of outcomes and results. Assume you have nothing to lose, and be prepared to sacrifice everything for integrity.
- You don't have to become the boldest most shameless warrior overnight. Just start small and try to get on the "right side of the tracks" in terms of values.
- Create questions that trigger valued behaviour and ask yourself these regularly throughout the day, e.g. "What does it mean to be honest right now?" - Stop and think before you react, when you notice emotional escalation.
- Rules and goals are methods to live by values, not the values themselves.
- The key is to learn the difference between the Real Self (who you currently are), the Ought Self (who you have been taught to think you should be) and the Ideal Self (the person you wish you were).
- Know that it will often be simply but not easy. Values often require discomfort.
- Observe your behaviour and reflect on it regularly (e.g. journalling). Learn to recognise the signs of valued behaviour, and the warning signs or triggers to non-valued behaviour.
Your homework and resources:
- look up Eckhart Tolle and Dr Russ Harris
- write a list of your Values, here's a worksheet to help you
- article on the difference between values, goals, virtues and rules