Post by The Dan on Jul 21, 2015 11:28:28 GMT 12
What is the difference between helpful positive manipulation and unhelpful negative manipulation?
- Recognise the different types of unhelpful manipulation - Aggression | Flattery | Invalidation (guilt) | Distraction - under30ceo.com/beginners-guide-managing-manipulation/
- Different types of helpful positive manipulation include teaching, coaching, creating a life-changing crisis, encouragement, genuine recognition, and support
- Helpful manipulation has everyone's best interests and values at heart, instead of trying to get something from someone else at their expense
- Helpful manipulation asks for permission and assumes the person knows what is best for them, rather than trying to control them
How do we know we are being ethical when we influence people?
- They have expressed clear permission for us to influence them, and we have been completely open and transparent about how we will try to influence them
- We have clearly expressed our own desires and insecurities in why we are trying to influence them, so that they can discard anything that is not in their own best interests
- We attempt at all times to align our values with each other
- There is a clear agreement on how we are both helping each other through this influence
- At all times they are allowed to say No and stop the influence from continuing (though there may be consequences for this which you explain in detail)
How do we find the good in people?
- Look for and promote strengths, even if they are rarely expressed
- Focus on what you want them to repeat and do more of, more than what you want them to do less of
- Seek to understand their values and their interpretations of how these should be lived by, rather than trying to impose your own on them
What is recognition?
- Identifying and validating someone’s strengths motivates them toward higher performance
- The difference between genuine recognition and a phony manipulative compliment is based on evidence and your intention to show them the truth about their strength, to help them believe in themselves, rather than trying to get them to do something
- To recognise someone without trying to get something from them means doing it with no attachment to outcomes. Recognise them to help them rather than just yourself
Some questions to ask yourself:
- If we want to lead others, how can we use genuine recognition to do it?
- How would we apply this in real life?
- What are some real life stories you have of someone influencing you for your own good? How did they do this and what did they do to allow you to accept this influence?
- What does it mean to be honest about our intentions and still give valuable recognition?
- How do we express an honest attempt to manipulate and combine it with giving value?
Resources:
Giving feedback without creating enemies
Making it easier to be honest
- Recognise the different types of unhelpful manipulation - Aggression | Flattery | Invalidation (guilt) | Distraction - under30ceo.com/beginners-guide-managing-manipulation/
- Different types of helpful positive manipulation include teaching, coaching, creating a life-changing crisis, encouragement, genuine recognition, and support
- Helpful manipulation has everyone's best interests and values at heart, instead of trying to get something from someone else at their expense
- Helpful manipulation asks for permission and assumes the person knows what is best for them, rather than trying to control them
How do we know we are being ethical when we influence people?
- They have expressed clear permission for us to influence them, and we have been completely open and transparent about how we will try to influence them
- We have clearly expressed our own desires and insecurities in why we are trying to influence them, so that they can discard anything that is not in their own best interests
- We attempt at all times to align our values with each other
- There is a clear agreement on how we are both helping each other through this influence
- At all times they are allowed to say No and stop the influence from continuing (though there may be consequences for this which you explain in detail)
How do we find the good in people?
- Look for and promote strengths, even if they are rarely expressed
- Focus on what you want them to repeat and do more of, more than what you want them to do less of
- Seek to understand their values and their interpretations of how these should be lived by, rather than trying to impose your own on them
What is recognition?
- Identifying and validating someone’s strengths motivates them toward higher performance
- The difference between genuine recognition and a phony manipulative compliment is based on evidence and your intention to show them the truth about their strength, to help them believe in themselves, rather than trying to get them to do something
- To recognise someone without trying to get something from them means doing it with no attachment to outcomes. Recognise them to help them rather than just yourself
Some questions to ask yourself:
- If we want to lead others, how can we use genuine recognition to do it?
- How would we apply this in real life?
- What are some real life stories you have of someone influencing you for your own good? How did they do this and what did they do to allow you to accept this influence?
- What does it mean to be honest about our intentions and still give valuable recognition?
- How do we express an honest attempt to manipulate and combine it with giving value?
Resources:
Giving feedback without creating enemies
Making it easier to be honest