Post by The Dan on Aug 4, 2015 15:27:12 GMT 12
What are the core principles of and differences between masculinity and femininity?
- giving v receiving
- leading v following
- assertive v compassionate
- bold v accepting
- risk taking v safety
- linear v lateral
- progress v measurement
- single focused point v global awareness
- stable v wild
- strong v gentle
Passive is neither masculine nor feminine; what does passive look like in a conversation?
- waiting for permission before taking action
- seeking approval
- avoiding conflict... avoiding anything uncomfortable
- not paying attention, distracted and drifting
- bystander rather than participant
What does leadership in conversation look like?
- Directing the theme/topic
- Initiating, including initiating the conversation
- Increasing the vulnerability investment level - inviting the other person to do the same
- Confident body language and boldness - owning what you say and do
- unapologetic
- resilient to setbacks - emotionally stable
- taking risks and provoking discomfort when needed
What do shamelessly masculine guys do differently in conversations?
- own what they say and do completely
- risk rejection - willing to lose anyone in order to live by their values
- lead without asking permission or waiting for followers
- inspirational levels of honesty and vulnerability
- pay focused attention
- confront and allow conflicts to occur
- provide solutions
What are the benefits in taking the lead?
- increased self worth
- polarise people into either loving or hating you
- remove all doubt (e.g. about attraction, your views and beliefs, who gets along with you and who doesn't)
- misunderstandings are quickly rectified - leadership and honesty reduces mind-reading, so everyone deals with each other truthfully
- you choose your own limitations rather than being governed by others
- it's more attractive - everyone prefers the presence of true leaders and confidence in general
- no regrets about "what if?"
What undermines leadership in a conversation?
- believing that you're imposing on them
- Being apologetic and shameful about yourself
- Being unwilling to lose them / trying to keep them
- avoiding confrontation
- allowing yourself to be moderated away from what you believe in
How can we be more masculine in conversation?
- Manage the agenda
- invite others to join you
- Test theories through action (e.g. "I'll see what she does when I say this") rather than over-thinking
- Seize opportunities through taking risks
- Be the one to take the first uncomfortable step
- Know the difference between negotiation (leadership) and compromise (passivity)
- Allow other people to be offended
- Allow others to judge you
- Acknowledge what people have said (particularly before you interrupt to change the topic)
Practical ideas to try:
- teasing
- causing offence through truthful opinions
- intense eye-lock
- playful accusations
- interruptions and boundary-setting
- invitations
- silence
Resources:
Confident Speaking Tips - www.theinspirationallifestyle.com/how-to-talk-with-confidence-7-public-speaking-tips/
The sexuality behind masculine leadership - www.theinspirationallifestyle.com/why-your-boyfriend-doesnt-initiate-sex/
Why apologies reduce your masculinity - www.theinspirationallifestyle.com/why-you-should-never-apologise/
BEID confrontation model - www.theinspirationallifestyle.com/giving-feedback-without-creating-enemies-re-define-honesty/
- giving v receiving
- leading v following
- assertive v compassionate
- bold v accepting
- risk taking v safety
- linear v lateral
- progress v measurement
- single focused point v global awareness
- stable v wild
- strong v gentle
Passive is neither masculine nor feminine; what does passive look like in a conversation?
- waiting for permission before taking action
- seeking approval
- avoiding conflict... avoiding anything uncomfortable
- not paying attention, distracted and drifting
- bystander rather than participant
What does leadership in conversation look like?
- Directing the theme/topic
- Initiating, including initiating the conversation
- Increasing the vulnerability investment level - inviting the other person to do the same
- Confident body language and boldness - owning what you say and do
- unapologetic
- resilient to setbacks - emotionally stable
- taking risks and provoking discomfort when needed
What do shamelessly masculine guys do differently in conversations?
- own what they say and do completely
- risk rejection - willing to lose anyone in order to live by their values
- lead without asking permission or waiting for followers
- inspirational levels of honesty and vulnerability
- pay focused attention
- confront and allow conflicts to occur
- provide solutions
What are the benefits in taking the lead?
- increased self worth
- polarise people into either loving or hating you
- remove all doubt (e.g. about attraction, your views and beliefs, who gets along with you and who doesn't)
- misunderstandings are quickly rectified - leadership and honesty reduces mind-reading, so everyone deals with each other truthfully
- you choose your own limitations rather than being governed by others
- it's more attractive - everyone prefers the presence of true leaders and confidence in general
- no regrets about "what if?"
What undermines leadership in a conversation?
- believing that you're imposing on them
- Being apologetic and shameful about yourself
- Being unwilling to lose them / trying to keep them
- avoiding confrontation
- allowing yourself to be moderated away from what you believe in
How can we be more masculine in conversation?
- Manage the agenda
- invite others to join you
- Test theories through action (e.g. "I'll see what she does when I say this") rather than over-thinking
- Seize opportunities through taking risks
- Be the one to take the first uncomfortable step
- Know the difference between negotiation (leadership) and compromise (passivity)
- Allow other people to be offended
- Allow others to judge you
- Acknowledge what people have said (particularly before you interrupt to change the topic)
Practical ideas to try:
- teasing
- causing offence through truthful opinions
- intense eye-lock
- playful accusations
- interruptions and boundary-setting
- invitations
- silence
Resources:
Confident Speaking Tips - www.theinspirationallifestyle.com/how-to-talk-with-confidence-7-public-speaking-tips/
The sexuality behind masculine leadership - www.theinspirationallifestyle.com/why-your-boyfriend-doesnt-initiate-sex/
Why apologies reduce your masculinity - www.theinspirationallifestyle.com/why-you-should-never-apologise/
BEID confrontation model - www.theinspirationallifestyle.com/giving-feedback-without-creating-enemies-re-define-honesty/