Post by The Dan on Aug 21, 2015 13:08:17 GMT 12
"Expectations are predictions bathed in unreasonable certainty" - Dan
What are expectations?
- Results and outcomes we believe "should" or "should not" happen
- Fantasies and worries that are not based on valid and reliable evidence
- Based on cause and effect assumptions around reward/punishment
- Inflexible certainty without proof; lazy brain activity
- Linked to 'fictional' language, like should, could, trust, must, guarantee, promise
- Something we are conditioned to rely on for some reason
- Evidence used to make predictions is generalised and biased
- Illogical and emotive
Where do they come from?
- An irrational belief that the Universe should be "fair"
- Belief that there is more than one reality ("I should have done that" as if that's an option still available)
- Belief that 'brownie points' can be added up to be rewarded later (e.g. karma) despite lack of evidence that this is true
- An emotional attachment to predicted outcomes; entitlement to rewards through neediness
- Based on a skewed memory of past experiences and biases
- Pressure from others based on their beliefs
- Confirmation bias
How do they affect us?
- We become emotionally attached to outcomes that have not happened yet
- We refuse to accept reality
- Anything below an expected outcome is a 'failure', while anything above is a 'success', creating our irrational attachment to uncontrollable outcomes
- Disappointment - it's impossible to be upset, offended or disappointed without first having unreasonable expectations
- Complacency, e.g. inaction due to "Law Of Attraction" beliefs
- Victim mentality, belief in fate rather than proactive influence
- Feeling pressured
- "I've earned this" type thinking, based on no evidence
- Feelings of sacrifice and loss, unfairness
- Comparisons to others
How do we manage expectations?
- they cannot exist in the present as expectations are future-fictions, so focusing on the Value of PRESENCE removes them
- Attaching FLEXIBILITY to expectations reduces their potential harm. For example; "I expect that this presentation is going to go badly" becomes "I expect that anything could happen once I get on stage"
- they are eliminated by ACCEPTANCE of reality
- GRATITUDE helps to track evidence of what is real
- we avoid others manipulating us with their expectations through exploring their irrational beliefs with CURIOSITY and drawing boundaries through COURAGE - remembering that their expectations have nothing to do with us at all
- we use SKEPTICISM to challenge our own assumptions regularly
- journalling is seen as the most effective tool to manage expectations long term
Resources:
www.theinspirationallifestyle.com/the-importance-of-managing-your-expectations/
Check out the Inner Circle session on Expectations
Video on managing Resistance from Others
What are expectations?
- Results and outcomes we believe "should" or "should not" happen
- Fantasies and worries that are not based on valid and reliable evidence
- Based on cause and effect assumptions around reward/punishment
- Inflexible certainty without proof; lazy brain activity
- Linked to 'fictional' language, like should, could, trust, must, guarantee, promise
- Something we are conditioned to rely on for some reason
- Evidence used to make predictions is generalised and biased
- Illogical and emotive
Where do they come from?
- An irrational belief that the Universe should be "fair"
- Belief that there is more than one reality ("I should have done that" as if that's an option still available)
- Belief that 'brownie points' can be added up to be rewarded later (e.g. karma) despite lack of evidence that this is true
- An emotional attachment to predicted outcomes; entitlement to rewards through neediness
- Based on a skewed memory of past experiences and biases
- Pressure from others based on their beliefs
- Confirmation bias
How do they affect us?
- We become emotionally attached to outcomes that have not happened yet
- We refuse to accept reality
- Anything below an expected outcome is a 'failure', while anything above is a 'success', creating our irrational attachment to uncontrollable outcomes
- Disappointment - it's impossible to be upset, offended or disappointed without first having unreasonable expectations
- Complacency, e.g. inaction due to "Law Of Attraction" beliefs
- Victim mentality, belief in fate rather than proactive influence
- Feeling pressured
- "I've earned this" type thinking, based on no evidence
- Feelings of sacrifice and loss, unfairness
- Comparisons to others
How do we manage expectations?
- they cannot exist in the present as expectations are future-fictions, so focusing on the Value of PRESENCE removes them
- Attaching FLEXIBILITY to expectations reduces their potential harm. For example; "I expect that this presentation is going to go badly" becomes "I expect that anything could happen once I get on stage"
- they are eliminated by ACCEPTANCE of reality
- GRATITUDE helps to track evidence of what is real
- we avoid others manipulating us with their expectations through exploring their irrational beliefs with CURIOSITY and drawing boundaries through COURAGE - remembering that their expectations have nothing to do with us at all
- we use SKEPTICISM to challenge our own assumptions regularly
- journalling is seen as the most effective tool to manage expectations long term
Resources:
www.theinspirationallifestyle.com/the-importance-of-managing-your-expectations/
Check out the Inner Circle session on Expectations
Video on managing Resistance from Others