Post by The Dan on Aug 28, 2015 9:11:58 GMT 12
What does it mean to be overwhelmed?
- we start to expect too much, and get easily disappointed with our results
- we sense we will not be able to cope with the expected outcomes
- we shift from planning to having expectations
- we get disheartened by our plans
- without specifics, or when things are planned for too far ahead into the future, we feel like there's no point in starting
- we fear failure without even having a clear definition of what it means to fail, we are simply scared of experiencing a painful emotional state sometime in the future
- often we have already decided to give up and the excuses we tell ourselves to justify it are disguised as "planning"
What kind of situations lead to feeling overwhelmed?
- seeing emotional states as general labels, e.g. "anxiety", and thinking of them as unmanageable, instead of looking at their individual quantum parts, e.g. "racing thoughts, increased heartrate, shaky hands" which are all manageable
- new situations that you convince yourself you have no experience in
- goals that require fear
What characteristics of planning can be unhelpful?
- when we set vague, unattainable goals which cannot be measured for progress accurately (e.g. "I will get rich")
- we concentrate on the outcomes/results rather than the process
- we create too many different parts/items to manage
- goals are too big and chunky, not enough detail, so there are no clear STEPS to follow
- we irrationally use similar past experiences as "evidence"
How can we use Quantum Parts to plan helpfully?
Break down what you want into steps. Start with identifying the big vague concept of what you want (e.g. "to be in a loving relationship") and then work backward from there to list the steps you'll need to take. Quantum Parts are the smallest individual parts of a unit. When we break something big and vague down into small, specific steps, it gets a whole lot easier to manage.
How does this relate to confidence?
When things are small and manageable you are more likely to feel capable of achieving them, you'll be more focused and purposeful, and you'll be able to adapt to changes easier. Capable, focus and adaptive - the very definition of confident.
Quantum Parts method:
You start with a vague idea of what you want, and then as you plan each step by working your way backwards you get ever more specific.
1) Start with an area you'd like to work on (e.g. health, wealth, relationships etc). For this example we'll use "relationships".
2) Get more specific about what result within that area you want e.g. "To be in a loving relationship"
3) List all of the different learning points you will need to accomplish before this result can be achieved e.g. "learn to: share more openly, create deeper connections, create opportunities to meet new people, define what I want in a relationship" etc. Another way to figure these out is to ask yourself "What would need to happen first?"
4) Organise this list into a chronological step-by-step plan made up of general goals, e.g.
a. find places to meet more people
b. learn how to introduce myself genuinely to people at these places
c. learn how to create a more meaningful connection after introductions
d. learn how to build rapport and share more intimately
e. etc. etc
5) Take the first step (the only point of this exercise is simply to figure out your next move!) by setting a specific action goal based on the nearest general goal e.g. "On Mon night, from 7-8pm, I will create a list of possible places to meet new people"
6) Achieve that goal and then reflect on the results before deciding on the next step
7) Repeat
Resources
The Goal Setting chapter of my book The Legendary Life cover this process with much more detailed instructions
This process follows The 3X Model
- we start to expect too much, and get easily disappointed with our results
- we sense we will not be able to cope with the expected outcomes
- we shift from planning to having expectations
- we get disheartened by our plans
- without specifics, or when things are planned for too far ahead into the future, we feel like there's no point in starting
- we fear failure without even having a clear definition of what it means to fail, we are simply scared of experiencing a painful emotional state sometime in the future
- often we have already decided to give up and the excuses we tell ourselves to justify it are disguised as "planning"
What kind of situations lead to feeling overwhelmed?
- seeing emotional states as general labels, e.g. "anxiety", and thinking of them as unmanageable, instead of looking at their individual quantum parts, e.g. "racing thoughts, increased heartrate, shaky hands" which are all manageable
- new situations that you convince yourself you have no experience in
- goals that require fear
What characteristics of planning can be unhelpful?
- when we set vague, unattainable goals which cannot be measured for progress accurately (e.g. "I will get rich")
- we concentrate on the outcomes/results rather than the process
- we create too many different parts/items to manage
- goals are too big and chunky, not enough detail, so there are no clear STEPS to follow
- we irrationally use similar past experiences as "evidence"
How can we use Quantum Parts to plan helpfully?
Break down what you want into steps. Start with identifying the big vague concept of what you want (e.g. "to be in a loving relationship") and then work backward from there to list the steps you'll need to take. Quantum Parts are the smallest individual parts of a unit. When we break something big and vague down into small, specific steps, it gets a whole lot easier to manage.
How does this relate to confidence?
When things are small and manageable you are more likely to feel capable of achieving them, you'll be more focused and purposeful, and you'll be able to adapt to changes easier. Capable, focus and adaptive - the very definition of confident.
Quantum Parts method:
You start with a vague idea of what you want, and then as you plan each step by working your way backwards you get ever more specific.
1) Start with an area you'd like to work on (e.g. health, wealth, relationships etc). For this example we'll use "relationships".
2) Get more specific about what result within that area you want e.g. "To be in a loving relationship"
3) List all of the different learning points you will need to accomplish before this result can be achieved e.g. "learn to: share more openly, create deeper connections, create opportunities to meet new people, define what I want in a relationship" etc. Another way to figure these out is to ask yourself "What would need to happen first?"
4) Organise this list into a chronological step-by-step plan made up of general goals, e.g.
a. find places to meet more people
b. learn how to introduce myself genuinely to people at these places
c. learn how to create a more meaningful connection after introductions
d. learn how to build rapport and share more intimately
e. etc. etc
5) Take the first step (the only point of this exercise is simply to figure out your next move!) by setting a specific action goal based on the nearest general goal e.g. "On Mon night, from 7-8pm, I will create a list of possible places to meet new people"
6) Achieve that goal and then reflect on the results before deciding on the next step
7) Repeat
Resources
The Goal Setting chapter of my book The Legendary Life cover this process with much more detailed instructions
This process follows The 3X Model