Post by Kwando on Sept 30, 2015 10:34:08 GMT 12
I've been experimenting with different ways to use silence to create tension/attraction. This was after we discussed silence at brojo, as well as talking with Mike about how humans didn't use to even have language but managed to create attraction. Here's what I did a few weeks ago.
I was meeting a girl for the first time in person, off tinder, and had the idea as I was driving to the coffee shop (based off this video: www.youtube.com/watch?v=mEcqoqvlxPY).
When she walked in, I typed a note up on my phone saying something like 'Let's try this thing where we don't talk for 5 or so minutes and just see what happens'.
She comes to my table and says 'hey you must be mitchell', i get up, give her a hug, and show her the note i just typed up on my phone (without having said anything at this point).
She looks at it and then looks at me like I'm nuts.
I just smile and sit down and pretty much stare at her. I'm so nervous for some reason and I notice my bottom lip is actually trembling but I beast through and keep my lips shut.
She sits down and looks at me for like 3 seconds, then keeps looking around the room and breaking the eye contact.
After maybe half a minute of this, she seems to accept the idea that this is happening, and keeps eye contact for a bit longer (note, i was testing holding the eye contact for maybe twice as long as she was, then breaking it by looking a way for a sec and then coming back, so that it wasn't too overwhelming for her. As time passed, I held it longer and longer.)
WHAT HAPPENED ("The test")
So after some time (tbh i don't know how long it was), I noticed myself feeling really at ease with the situation, and I could see that she seemed wayy more comfortable than when she first sat down.
After around 6 min (i think, I have no idea actually) I broke the silence by saying how I felt in that moment (.."Wow I'm surprised I actually feel really grounded right now' and she said she felt the same).
WOW MOMENT ("The shift")
Around 45min into the meeting/date/interaction, I said 'Let's try the silence thing again'. This time, that feeling of being totally relaxed and comfortable happened in around 2 minutes. It's cool, there's like this moment where you can just sense this shift of the dynamic between the two of you. It's like, you start to notice that you're actually really vulnerable right now, and she is too. To me, it feels like the energy between you just skips a couple of notches, to a much higher (or deeper) frequency. I really love just bathing in this moment, and maybe 15 seconds into that moment, it felt right to kiss her (so I did).
I was meeting a girl for the first time in person, off tinder, and had the idea as I was driving to the coffee shop (based off this video: www.youtube.com/watch?v=mEcqoqvlxPY).
When she walked in, I typed a note up on my phone saying something like 'Let's try this thing where we don't talk for 5 or so minutes and just see what happens'.
She comes to my table and says 'hey you must be mitchell', i get up, give her a hug, and show her the note i just typed up on my phone (without having said anything at this point).
She looks at it and then looks at me like I'm nuts.
I just smile and sit down and pretty much stare at her. I'm so nervous for some reason and I notice my bottom lip is actually trembling but I beast through and keep my lips shut.
She sits down and looks at me for like 3 seconds, then keeps looking around the room and breaking the eye contact.
After maybe half a minute of this, she seems to accept the idea that this is happening, and keeps eye contact for a bit longer (note, i was testing holding the eye contact for maybe twice as long as she was, then breaking it by looking a way for a sec and then coming back, so that it wasn't too overwhelming for her. As time passed, I held it longer and longer.)
WHAT HAPPENED ("The test")
So after some time (tbh i don't know how long it was), I noticed myself feeling really at ease with the situation, and I could see that she seemed wayy more comfortable than when she first sat down.
After around 6 min (i think, I have no idea actually) I broke the silence by saying how I felt in that moment (.."Wow I'm surprised I actually feel really grounded right now' and she said she felt the same).
WOW MOMENT ("The shift")
Around 45min into the meeting/date/interaction, I said 'Let's try the silence thing again'. This time, that feeling of being totally relaxed and comfortable happened in around 2 minutes. It's cool, there's like this moment where you can just sense this shift of the dynamic between the two of you. It's like, you start to notice that you're actually really vulnerable right now, and she is too. To me, it feels like the energy between you just skips a couple of notches, to a much higher (or deeper) frequency. I really love just bathing in this moment, and maybe 15 seconds into that moment, it felt right to kiss her (so I did).
I realize that there are lots of other factors involved, and this silence experiment could have had little effect on the outcome. Though, I've found that if I don't feel that 'shift', I realize I never felt really connected with the girl in the first place.
Playing with the tension is fun and exciting and makes you both feel like you're in this bubble, having a conversation without words. Try it out! Worst case scenario is, you've found out that she's not curious or adventurous enough to try something a little different, and so you're not a good fit (according to my values at least).
Let me know how it goes
I'm also keen to hear your guys takes on this
Playing with the tension is fun and exciting and makes you both feel like you're in this bubble, having a conversation without words. Try it out! Worst case scenario is, you've found out that she's not curious or adventurous enough to try something a little different, and so you're not a good fit (according to my values at least).
Let me know how it goes
I'm also keen to hear your guys takes on this