Post by The Dan on Mar 29, 2016 9:37:31 GMT 12
What opportunities do you each have in your life to meet new people?
- work colleagues you haven't met yet
- people who serve you, e.g. retail staff, gas station attendants, grocery store check-out
- meetups, parties, events
- anyone, anywhere, any time (almost) - people on the bus, walking around the street, in the same shop as you etc.
- there is no such thing as a stranger, there are simply people we haven't said Hi to... yet
What barriers do we face in our minds to initiating conversation?
- trying to think of the "right" thing to say
- worry that we will embarrass ourselves if we are overheard by others
- pre-planning the conversation beyond the first thing you'll say
- wanting it to go "well"
- being attached to acceptance and not willing to face disapproval
- anxiety and the feelings of nervousness - not being willing to experience more of these
- basically, the key is in letting go of the idea of it going well and instead doing it to practice honesty, courage and social skills, for yourself (impress yourself and seek your own approval)
How do we usually decide on what to say to start a conversation?
- try to be interesting
- a judgmental compliment (or even criticism)
- something we think will make them attracted to us
- something we don't genuinely care about (e.g. asking about how their weekend has been)
- interview-style questioning
How do we start conversations in a genuine, spontaneous way?
- use the 3X Model to observe, notice and express
- allow yourself to be affected by them, decide why and how you were affected, then share that with them in a bold, giving way
- begin as truthfully as possible, so if a relationship develops it will have begun without you having to be anything other than yourself
The 3X Model
- RELEASE - Respect – wait, people-watch and observe, allow yourself to notice things, including what is happening inside of you
- EXPLORE - Curiosity – what have I noticed? How could I accurately express what I've noticed?
- EXPRESS - Honesty – give them the gift of your attention, be the bold leader, share as honestly and vulnerably as you can.
- and back to RELEASE - Respect – wait, your turn is over, let them respond fully
- More on the 3X Model - www.theinspirationallifestyle.com/the-3x-confidence-and-authenticity-model-explained/
RESOURCES
How to create an authentic relationship - www.theinspirationallifestyle.com/how-to-create-an-authentic-relationship/
Leadership in conversation - www.theinspirationallifestyle.com/how-to-lead-a-conversation/
True connection - www.theinspirationallifestyle.com/what-it-means-to-truly-connect-with-another-person/
Letting go of outcomes - www.theinspirationallifestyle.com/letting-go-of-outcomes/
- work colleagues you haven't met yet
- people who serve you, e.g. retail staff, gas station attendants, grocery store check-out
- meetups, parties, events
- anyone, anywhere, any time (almost) - people on the bus, walking around the street, in the same shop as you etc.
- there is no such thing as a stranger, there are simply people we haven't said Hi to... yet
What barriers do we face in our minds to initiating conversation?
- trying to think of the "right" thing to say
- worry that we will embarrass ourselves if we are overheard by others
- pre-planning the conversation beyond the first thing you'll say
- wanting it to go "well"
- being attached to acceptance and not willing to face disapproval
- anxiety and the feelings of nervousness - not being willing to experience more of these
- basically, the key is in letting go of the idea of it going well and instead doing it to practice honesty, courage and social skills, for yourself (impress yourself and seek your own approval)
How do we usually decide on what to say to start a conversation?
- try to be interesting
- a judgmental compliment (or even criticism)
- something we think will make them attracted to us
- something we don't genuinely care about (e.g. asking about how their weekend has been)
- interview-style questioning
How do we start conversations in a genuine, spontaneous way?
- use the 3X Model to observe, notice and express
- allow yourself to be affected by them, decide why and how you were affected, then share that with them in a bold, giving way
- begin as truthfully as possible, so if a relationship develops it will have begun without you having to be anything other than yourself
The 3X Model
- RELEASE - Respect – wait, people-watch and observe, allow yourself to notice things, including what is happening inside of you
- EXPLORE - Curiosity – what have I noticed? How could I accurately express what I've noticed?
- EXPRESS - Honesty – give them the gift of your attention, be the bold leader, share as honestly and vulnerably as you can.
- and back to RELEASE - Respect – wait, your turn is over, let them respond fully
- More on the 3X Model - www.theinspirationallifestyle.com/the-3x-confidence-and-authenticity-model-explained/
RESOURCES
How to create an authentic relationship - www.theinspirationallifestyle.com/how-to-create-an-authentic-relationship/
Leadership in conversation - www.theinspirationallifestyle.com/how-to-lead-a-conversation/
True connection - www.theinspirationallifestyle.com/what-it-means-to-truly-connect-with-another-person/
Letting go of outcomes - www.theinspirationallifestyle.com/letting-go-of-outcomes/