Post by The Dan on Jul 2, 2015 17:05:49 GMT 12
Antifragile
Recapping some of the key points about redefining failure:
It's an opportunity to learn
Small hurdles on the way to success
Accepting failure makes life easier, allow it to encourage you
Avoiding failure makes you fragile
The people who taught you that failure was bad didn't know what they were talking about
NOTES
While talking about failures, the topic of goals came up repeatedly, that failure was attached to not reaching a goal. Whether for lack of skills, procrastination, education etc. We discussed red pen effect, and the misbelief idea that you only have one shot at succeeding.
We shared stories where people had failed a couple of times before succeeding. Even if the memory was painful, the consensus was that it wasn't so bad in hindsight, and was a learning experience
We talked about the size of goals, and talked about Big Hairy Audacious Goals. Then scaled to taking a bite, and breaking goals down into manageable steps.
Ivan was invaluable for referring (and sharing shamelessly) to the scale of social fear he feels. This led to Steve opening up to the group. We discussed ratings on a 1 to 10 scale, and suggested that these were personal levels. . . . some people can regularly face a 5, so a 6 or 7 is a step up.. others face a 2, so a 3 or 4 scale fear is a step up without being overwhelming.
Adaptability vs rigidity took a little work, we came up with a thesaurus of words while searching for tough and resilient, and David won the night discussing the difference between toughness, resisting discomfort, and recognising the growth in loss or failure. He identified that adaptable people make changes and grow.
The conversation moved quickly and everyone had contributions, it was fascinating to see material from earlier in the evening come up and have added input or be related to new concepts - 3X Model in action with adequate reflection time!
Breaking goals down into smaller, less daunting steps helped reframe failure as 100 small successes with some failed steps. Also lead easily into looking forward to failure, recognising (reframing as?) a learning opportunity, but that its scale did not ruin a BHAG.
We discussed the win ladder.... that a collection of quick successes helped build confidence, and that 6/10 steps is far better than 0/1.
The final couple of points had been well discussed before we formalised them. Everyone had discussed the topic of confidence vs competence... or that confidence was a reward for action.
For homework we each picked a big goal that had stagnated, and break it down for a first step. The mood was so good that they just started sharing. Steve led the charge, talked about his fear of public speaking and how he'd put off going to toastmasters. Someone mentioned life hacks, that getting to the gym was about putting your shoes on first. Broke his hold ups down to 3x 10 second tasks, which led to plenty of laughs. Suggested the "$100 to a mate, get it back if you follow through" style too. Tim was inspired, and talked about his own time at toastmasters. Turns out they are often pushed for a two minute speech when it's a challenge to introduce themselves. Malcolm suggested setting boundaries, telling them (toastmasters) that an introduction was already a challenge... Intrigued to see what comes of this.
Your homework and resources:
- do one thing that makes you uncomfortable on purpose
- check out the book Antifragile www.amazon.com/gp/product/0812979680
- look up John Cooper for social mastery without neediness
- look up Mark Manson for more on shameless confidence
- Grab a copy of my book here
- Check out this article on performance anxiety
Recapping some of the key points about redefining failure:
It's an opportunity to learn
Small hurdles on the way to success
Accepting failure makes life easier, allow it to encourage you
Avoiding failure makes you fragile
The people who taught you that failure was bad didn't know what they were talking about
NOTES
While talking about failures, the topic of goals came up repeatedly, that failure was attached to not reaching a goal. Whether for lack of skills, procrastination, education etc. We discussed red pen effect, and the misbelief idea that you only have one shot at succeeding.
We shared stories where people had failed a couple of times before succeeding. Even if the memory was painful, the consensus was that it wasn't so bad in hindsight, and was a learning experience
We talked about the size of goals, and talked about Big Hairy Audacious Goals. Then scaled to taking a bite, and breaking goals down into manageable steps.
Ivan was invaluable for referring (and sharing shamelessly) to the scale of social fear he feels. This led to Steve opening up to the group. We discussed ratings on a 1 to 10 scale, and suggested that these were personal levels. . . . some people can regularly face a 5, so a 6 or 7 is a step up.. others face a 2, so a 3 or 4 scale fear is a step up without being overwhelming.
Adaptability vs rigidity took a little work, we came up with a thesaurus of words while searching for tough and resilient, and David won the night discussing the difference between toughness, resisting discomfort, and recognising the growth in loss or failure. He identified that adaptable people make changes and grow.
The conversation moved quickly and everyone had contributions, it was fascinating to see material from earlier in the evening come up and have added input or be related to new concepts - 3X Model in action with adequate reflection time!
Breaking goals down into smaller, less daunting steps helped reframe failure as 100 small successes with some failed steps. Also lead easily into looking forward to failure, recognising (reframing as?) a learning opportunity, but that its scale did not ruin a BHAG.
We discussed the win ladder.... that a collection of quick successes helped build confidence, and that 6/10 steps is far better than 0/1.
The final couple of points had been well discussed before we formalised them. Everyone had discussed the topic of confidence vs competence... or that confidence was a reward for action.
For homework we each picked a big goal that had stagnated, and break it down for a first step. The mood was so good that they just started sharing. Steve led the charge, talked about his fear of public speaking and how he'd put off going to toastmasters. Someone mentioned life hacks, that getting to the gym was about putting your shoes on first. Broke his hold ups down to 3x 10 second tasks, which led to plenty of laughs. Suggested the "$100 to a mate, get it back if you follow through" style too. Tim was inspired, and talked about his own time at toastmasters. Turns out they are often pushed for a two minute speech when it's a challenge to introduce themselves. Malcolm suggested setting boundaries, telling them (toastmasters) that an introduction was already a challenge... Intrigued to see what comes of this.
Your homework and resources:
- do one thing that makes you uncomfortable on purpose
- check out the book Antifragile www.amazon.com/gp/product/0812979680
- look up John Cooper for social mastery without neediness
- look up Mark Manson for more on shameless confidence
- Grab a copy of my book here
- Check out this article on performance anxiety