Post by The Dan on Sept 1, 2015 14:35:45 GMT 12
Key questions:
What does it mean to have a balanced investment in a connection/conversation?
What does it mean to be unbalanced?
How does investment balance effect the ongoing relationship?
3X Model – Release/exchange phase
Investment is built within the space between what you say and how they respond. Until they invest back into the conversation, you have nothing to move forward with, so you wait.
Alternatively, if they are the ones constantly filling this space (i.e. they are over-investing), you need to be the leader and help them to create more space.
How can we encourage investment (or reduce our investment)?
- Silence. Becoming comfortable with silence is crucial to increasing the other person's investment levels. They need a space to fill, you must be willing to wait for them to fill it. Keep giving them the option of leaving the conversation.
- Give freely. Recognise them in some way, particularly in how you are affected by them, to give them value. They will then have the opportunity to give you value in return. It's a form of testing quality connections.
- Uncompromising honesty. If you give them the full truth, you'll either scare them off or draw them into investing back. Both of those potential outcomes are great because they filter out people of low quality for you (a.k.a. a bad fit).
- Demand investment. If they aren't putting in the same levels of time, energy and intimacy, demand that they do. For example "I feel like I'm doing all the talking... you say something".
- Questions. Be careful to not use these to just keep the conversation going. Use powerful open questions to give them the opportunity to invest more.
How do we reduce over investment from others (or increase our levels)?
- Interrupt. Let them know when they're over-investing and put a stop to it.
- Honest interpretation. Give them feedback on why you think they're over-investing, challenging them to let go of the outcome.
- Boundary setting. If someone is crossing your values, let them know asap. Make sure that if there's a bad fit between you that it comes out early.
- Calming. Re-assure them that you're not going anywhere, so that they can relax.
How do we know the difference between needing more investment and a bad fit?
Experience-based gut feeling vs fear-based gut feeling. Learn to know the difference by asking yourself to provide evidence. Do you really know enough about this person to decide how much you should invest yet? Train your gut feeling by constantly assessing hard evidence.
Resources
Tips for more confident conversations: www.theinspirationallifestyle.com/9-tips-for-more-confident-conversations/
Creating authentic connections: www.theinspirationallifestyle.com/how-to-create-an-authentic-relationship/
What does it mean to have a balanced investment in a connection/conversation?
What does it mean to be unbalanced?
How does investment balance effect the ongoing relationship?
3X Model – Release/exchange phase
Investment is built within the space between what you say and how they respond. Until they invest back into the conversation, you have nothing to move forward with, so you wait.
Alternatively, if they are the ones constantly filling this space (i.e. they are over-investing), you need to be the leader and help them to create more space.
How can we encourage investment (or reduce our investment)?
- Silence. Becoming comfortable with silence is crucial to increasing the other person's investment levels. They need a space to fill, you must be willing to wait for them to fill it. Keep giving them the option of leaving the conversation.
- Give freely. Recognise them in some way, particularly in how you are affected by them, to give them value. They will then have the opportunity to give you value in return. It's a form of testing quality connections.
- Uncompromising honesty. If you give them the full truth, you'll either scare them off or draw them into investing back. Both of those potential outcomes are great because they filter out people of low quality for you (a.k.a. a bad fit).
- Demand investment. If they aren't putting in the same levels of time, energy and intimacy, demand that they do. For example "I feel like I'm doing all the talking... you say something".
- Questions. Be careful to not use these to just keep the conversation going. Use powerful open questions to give them the opportunity to invest more.
How do we reduce over investment from others (or increase our levels)?
- Interrupt. Let them know when they're over-investing and put a stop to it.
- Honest interpretation. Give them feedback on why you think they're over-investing, challenging them to let go of the outcome.
- Boundary setting. If someone is crossing your values, let them know asap. Make sure that if there's a bad fit between you that it comes out early.
- Calming. Re-assure them that you're not going anywhere, so that they can relax.
How do we know the difference between needing more investment and a bad fit?
Experience-based gut feeling vs fear-based gut feeling. Learn to know the difference by asking yourself to provide evidence. Do you really know enough about this person to decide how much you should invest yet? Train your gut feeling by constantly assessing hard evidence.
Resources
Tips for more confident conversations: www.theinspirationallifestyle.com/9-tips-for-more-confident-conversations/
Creating authentic connections: www.theinspirationallifestyle.com/how-to-create-an-authentic-relationship/