Post by The Dan on Sept 22, 2015 15:31:39 GMT 12
What is sexually attractive to straight women?
- confidence
- the ability to provide protection (e.g. firemen)
- leadership, particularly the ability to lead people through changing emotional states (social status), having access to resources, and not giving a fuck what other people think (aka doing your own thing regardless of social disapproval, the 'bad boy')
- assertiveness and boundaries - signs that you will provide and protect, like you are chief of the tribe
- the undivided attention of a powerful man
- scarcity - being obviously attractive to others, or at least being hard to get 1:1 time with due to social activity
Note: what people say they are attracted to is often far removed from what actually turns them on. For example, a girl will say she wants a man who will 'treat her nicely' yet this does not turn her on. When you ask people what they are attracted to they'll often say what they wish they were attracted to. So instead try asking them "What gets you hot / turns you on?"
What do women say they're attracted to but really aren't?
- niceness
- humour
- respectful behaviour (this does not mean you should be disrespectful, it just means being respectful will not turn them on sexually)
- physical appearance - actually, women will be turned on by the fireman calendars, but it's definitely not a requirement. You can be ugly as sin and still be sexually attractive. Genetics cannot compete with confidence, social status and body language
What is sexual tension?
- playful and enjoyable awkwardness
- excitement of the chase
- increased heartrate, adrenaline and nerves
- jealousy
- anticipation and uncertainty
How do we create sexual tension without being manipulative?
- talking shamelessly about sex, sexual experiences, and desires
- expressing desire toward the person honestly, directly, shamelessly, through words and actions
- flirting
- sustained eye contact, particularly while not talking to them directly (e.g. talking to everyone but her while you hold her eye contact)
- working sexual innuendo into conversations (e.g. playfully accusing them of checking you out even when they're not)
- roleplaying - creating a pretence you're both in on that is sexually charged, such as pretending to be on a honeymoon together, or pretending she is aggressively trying to get into your pants while you're an innocent virgin
- touch - escalating the riskiness of your touch (with permission), and removing it before they want you to. Touching to emphasize verbal points, touching as you would your girlfriend (without crossing the line into sexual parts of the body until it's obvious she wants you to). Learn to become comfortable with touch by touching everyone more
- silence - this is important
- playful restraint, e.g. "You shouldn't be around me dressed like that, it's dangerous" or "Ok stop touching me now, you're getting me hot"
- setting boundaries - show them you will not tolerate bad behaviour, it demonstrates leadership - demand respect
- decisiveness
- dirty talk spliced into normal conversation
- sharing sexual secrets
How do you know she is attracted sexually?
- there is no guaranteed reaction, every girl is different
- however, if she knows you are sexually interested in her and she does not leave, it's a pretty good sign that she is at least receptive to the idea of sex
- constantly give her the opportunity to leave, through silence or even inviting her openly, e.g. "You know if you stay near me tonight things are going to get hot. You should probably leave before it's too late"
- if she texts you after 9pm saying anything like "What are you up to?"
- she escalates touch - though friendly girls will do this without it meaning anything. The key sign is escalating touch, from friendly to sexual, from short to lengthy
- basically, her actions show that she is interested in spending more time with you, and she knows you're interested sexually. Note that her words may not match her actions. This is best described as flirting. For example, she might say "Oh my god, you're such an idiot" yet she stays with you when her friends go to the bathroom.
- if she says "Just so you know, I'm not sleeping with you tonight" out of nowhere, it's almost definitely on!
- she talks about sex with you, even if joking it means she's thinking about it
What kills sexual tension?
- mistaking it for social awkwardness and avoiding it
- dropping eye contact
- non-sexual humour to break tension
- physically leaving to avoid awkwardness (though silence and creating space can increase tension in the right circumstances)
- sustained making out or touch (e.g. holding hands for a long time)
- shame or anger around the topic of sex - aka creepiness
- hiding sexual desire - also creepy - assume she can read your mind so just be honest
- neediness, asking rather than sharing - e.g. "Can I kiss you?" is needy, whereas "I am thinking about kissing you right now" is not
- talking in a judgmental way about former sexual partners, or disclosing their secrets (sexual consent requires trust, and no-one wants to be the story you tell everyone)
Resources
Why men don't initiate sex - www.theinspirationallifestyle.com/why-your-boyfriend-doesnt-initiate-sex/
BadBoy Lifestyles badboylifestyles.com/
- confidence
- the ability to provide protection (e.g. firemen)
- leadership, particularly the ability to lead people through changing emotional states (social status), having access to resources, and not giving a fuck what other people think (aka doing your own thing regardless of social disapproval, the 'bad boy')
- assertiveness and boundaries - signs that you will provide and protect, like you are chief of the tribe
- the undivided attention of a powerful man
- scarcity - being obviously attractive to others, or at least being hard to get 1:1 time with due to social activity
Note: what people say they are attracted to is often far removed from what actually turns them on. For example, a girl will say she wants a man who will 'treat her nicely' yet this does not turn her on. When you ask people what they are attracted to they'll often say what they wish they were attracted to. So instead try asking them "What gets you hot / turns you on?"
What do women say they're attracted to but really aren't?
- niceness
- humour
- respectful behaviour (this does not mean you should be disrespectful, it just means being respectful will not turn them on sexually)
- physical appearance - actually, women will be turned on by the fireman calendars, but it's definitely not a requirement. You can be ugly as sin and still be sexually attractive. Genetics cannot compete with confidence, social status and body language
What is sexual tension?
- playful and enjoyable awkwardness
- excitement of the chase
- increased heartrate, adrenaline and nerves
- jealousy
- anticipation and uncertainty
How do we create sexual tension without being manipulative?
- talking shamelessly about sex, sexual experiences, and desires
- expressing desire toward the person honestly, directly, shamelessly, through words and actions
- flirting
- sustained eye contact, particularly while not talking to them directly (e.g. talking to everyone but her while you hold her eye contact)
- working sexual innuendo into conversations (e.g. playfully accusing them of checking you out even when they're not)
- roleplaying - creating a pretence you're both in on that is sexually charged, such as pretending to be on a honeymoon together, or pretending she is aggressively trying to get into your pants while you're an innocent virgin
- touch - escalating the riskiness of your touch (with permission), and removing it before they want you to. Touching to emphasize verbal points, touching as you would your girlfriend (without crossing the line into sexual parts of the body until it's obvious she wants you to). Learn to become comfortable with touch by touching everyone more
- silence - this is important
- playful restraint, e.g. "You shouldn't be around me dressed like that, it's dangerous" or "Ok stop touching me now, you're getting me hot"
- setting boundaries - show them you will not tolerate bad behaviour, it demonstrates leadership - demand respect
- decisiveness
- dirty talk spliced into normal conversation
- sharing sexual secrets
How do you know she is attracted sexually?
- there is no guaranteed reaction, every girl is different
- however, if she knows you are sexually interested in her and she does not leave, it's a pretty good sign that she is at least receptive to the idea of sex
- constantly give her the opportunity to leave, through silence or even inviting her openly, e.g. "You know if you stay near me tonight things are going to get hot. You should probably leave before it's too late"
- if she texts you after 9pm saying anything like "What are you up to?"
- she escalates touch - though friendly girls will do this without it meaning anything. The key sign is escalating touch, from friendly to sexual, from short to lengthy
- basically, her actions show that she is interested in spending more time with you, and she knows you're interested sexually. Note that her words may not match her actions. This is best described as flirting. For example, she might say "Oh my god, you're such an idiot" yet she stays with you when her friends go to the bathroom.
- if she says "Just so you know, I'm not sleeping with you tonight" out of nowhere, it's almost definitely on!
- she talks about sex with you, even if joking it means she's thinking about it
What kills sexual tension?
- mistaking it for social awkwardness and avoiding it
- dropping eye contact
- non-sexual humour to break tension
- physically leaving to avoid awkwardness (though silence and creating space can increase tension in the right circumstances)
- sustained making out or touch (e.g. holding hands for a long time)
- shame or anger around the topic of sex - aka creepiness
- hiding sexual desire - also creepy - assume she can read your mind so just be honest
- neediness, asking rather than sharing - e.g. "Can I kiss you?" is needy, whereas "I am thinking about kissing you right now" is not
- talking in a judgmental way about former sexual partners, or disclosing their secrets (sexual consent requires trust, and no-one wants to be the story you tell everyone)
Resources
Why men don't initiate sex - www.theinspirationallifestyle.com/why-your-boyfriend-doesnt-initiate-sex/
BadBoy Lifestyles badboylifestyles.com/