Post by The Dan on Oct 2, 2015 9:31:07 GMT 12
What is self-awareness?
- noticing the way I behave
- knowing what I stand for (frames and beliefs) - brojo.freeforums.net/thread/58/frame-control-25-september
- slowing down to fully understand what is happening, before deciding what to do next
- collection and analysis of evidence from the past
- reflection - the Release Phase of the 3X Model - brojo.freeforums.net/thread/4/brojo-3x-model-explained
- observing emotional triggers and identifying why I react to something the way I do
- paying attention to habits and patterns, identifying whether or not they help me
- journalling
- breaking away from autopilot behaviour, taking over manual control of yourself through conscious awareness
- becoming in tune with internal processes, feelings and thought patterns
- "live the experience" - being actively involved in the present moment without judgment, labels or categories being attached to anything
How do we know when we need to increase self-awareness?
- things are going smoothly and comfortably too often - lack of 'bumpiness' indicates that your brain is categorizing and smoothing out reality, which means you are missing out on details and probably on autopilot
- you rely on feedback from others to know how 'well' you are doing
- self-sabotage is evident, you are sticking to a method that does not produce results
- you are in the Victim frame and feel powerless (this can come from too much reflection too)
- you are getting burned out with action
- you identify as your mood, e.g. "I'm nervous", or you are stuck to an identity e.g. "I am a Nice Guy"
- staying committed to poor investments, like an unhappy marriage or a shitty unsatisfying job, with fear-based excuses, usually starting with the words "Because I need..." (e.g. "because I need the money")
Barriers to self-awareness
- attaching to the thoughts of "I don't know how"
- fixation on outcomes and results through goals, rather than focusing on the process
- de-prioritising the Release Phase of The 3X Model - sacrificing rest, relaxation and reflection through being "too busy"
- being unwilling to face the pain that comes with realisations and truth
- thinking that ignorance is bliss
- arrogance - thinking you cannot improve or that change is unneccessary
- 'squashing' emotions, like anger
- procrastination - delaying uncomfortable emotions and tasks
- vague comparison to others without rationality - like thinking some guy has a better life than you, without interviewing him about how he succeeded
How can we increase self-awareness in a practical way?
- write out the 'scripts' you attach to situations that are not working out for you. For example, if my dating life is going poorly, I might write something like "I see a girl I find attractive, I think of talking to her, I then get nervous, then I start coming up with excuses to avoid talking to her, and then I get relief when I decide to pussy out, but I feel regret later on" - that's a script that I follow which is not helping me
- zoom out through the practice of defusion - www.theinspirationallifestyle.com/stop-discouraging-yourself-eliminate-negative-thoughts/
- practice detaching from 'good vs bad' assessments, and move towards just trying to understand the situation first
- engage in short bursts of self-awareness practice, within parameters and boundaries you set to avoid too much reflection, such as having goals you measure the progress on, or limiting the time you journal. Control the scope of your reflection to make it manageable
- learn to live by the value of Curiosity, by exploring normal situations as if they were brand new, revisiting old patterns as if you've never seen them before
- practicing presence and acceptance (e.g. mindfulness meditation), learning to identify the difference between reality and the story about reality in your head - www.samharris.org/blog/item/mindfulness-meditation
- asking WHY? as often as possible, particularly when looking at your own behaviour
- asking "How do I function?" and exploring the way you think and act as if you are your own psychologist/coach
- apply the learning, but only after reflection - not planning until you know what is going on, the truth
- create a list of experts to get feedback from, based on specific behaviour (no one can give feedback on who you are as a person), and ignore advice and feedback from anyone who you didn't specifically ask, particularly people who cannot provide solid scientific evidence to support their advice
- daily journalling (through writing, speaking or video recording), where you track progress against your important areas of life, without trying to fix them, just observing. Two questions that help are 1) What I am proud of today? and 2) What don't I want to admit to myself?
- Reality Checks - setting hourly reminders on your phone with questions that prompt reflection, such as "What would a confident guy do right now?" or "How well am I living by my values right now?"
- research proven successes in the areas of life you're interested in improving, and ask "What are they doing that I'm not?"
- when looking at autopilot behaviours, asking "Who set this autopilot?"
Resources
If you're really serious about improving your situation by becoming more aware, grab a copy of my book The Legendary Life - www.amazon.com/Legendary-Life-Motivation-Confidence-Authentic/dp/099634022X/
- noticing the way I behave
- knowing what I stand for (frames and beliefs) - brojo.freeforums.net/thread/58/frame-control-25-september
- slowing down to fully understand what is happening, before deciding what to do next
- collection and analysis of evidence from the past
- reflection - the Release Phase of the 3X Model - brojo.freeforums.net/thread/4/brojo-3x-model-explained
- observing emotional triggers and identifying why I react to something the way I do
- paying attention to habits and patterns, identifying whether or not they help me
- journalling
- breaking away from autopilot behaviour, taking over manual control of yourself through conscious awareness
- becoming in tune with internal processes, feelings and thought patterns
- "live the experience" - being actively involved in the present moment without judgment, labels or categories being attached to anything
How do we know when we need to increase self-awareness?
- things are going smoothly and comfortably too often - lack of 'bumpiness' indicates that your brain is categorizing and smoothing out reality, which means you are missing out on details and probably on autopilot
- you rely on feedback from others to know how 'well' you are doing
- self-sabotage is evident, you are sticking to a method that does not produce results
- you are in the Victim frame and feel powerless (this can come from too much reflection too)
- you are getting burned out with action
- you identify as your mood, e.g. "I'm nervous", or you are stuck to an identity e.g. "I am a Nice Guy"
- staying committed to poor investments, like an unhappy marriage or a shitty unsatisfying job, with fear-based excuses, usually starting with the words "Because I need..." (e.g. "because I need the money")
Barriers to self-awareness
- attaching to the thoughts of "I don't know how"
- fixation on outcomes and results through goals, rather than focusing on the process
- de-prioritising the Release Phase of The 3X Model - sacrificing rest, relaxation and reflection through being "too busy"
- being unwilling to face the pain that comes with realisations and truth
- thinking that ignorance is bliss
- arrogance - thinking you cannot improve or that change is unneccessary
- 'squashing' emotions, like anger
- procrastination - delaying uncomfortable emotions and tasks
- vague comparison to others without rationality - like thinking some guy has a better life than you, without interviewing him about how he succeeded
How can we increase self-awareness in a practical way?
- write out the 'scripts' you attach to situations that are not working out for you. For example, if my dating life is going poorly, I might write something like "I see a girl I find attractive, I think of talking to her, I then get nervous, then I start coming up with excuses to avoid talking to her, and then I get relief when I decide to pussy out, but I feel regret later on" - that's a script that I follow which is not helping me
- zoom out through the practice of defusion - www.theinspirationallifestyle.com/stop-discouraging-yourself-eliminate-negative-thoughts/
- practice detaching from 'good vs bad' assessments, and move towards just trying to understand the situation first
- engage in short bursts of self-awareness practice, within parameters and boundaries you set to avoid too much reflection, such as having goals you measure the progress on, or limiting the time you journal. Control the scope of your reflection to make it manageable
- learn to live by the value of Curiosity, by exploring normal situations as if they were brand new, revisiting old patterns as if you've never seen them before
- practicing presence and acceptance (e.g. mindfulness meditation), learning to identify the difference between reality and the story about reality in your head - www.samharris.org/blog/item/mindfulness-meditation
- asking WHY? as often as possible, particularly when looking at your own behaviour
- asking "How do I function?" and exploring the way you think and act as if you are your own psychologist/coach
- apply the learning, but only after reflection - not planning until you know what is going on, the truth
- create a list of experts to get feedback from, based on specific behaviour (no one can give feedback on who you are as a person), and ignore advice and feedback from anyone who you didn't specifically ask, particularly people who cannot provide solid scientific evidence to support their advice
- daily journalling (through writing, speaking or video recording), where you track progress against your important areas of life, without trying to fix them, just observing. Two questions that help are 1) What I am proud of today? and 2) What don't I want to admit to myself?
- Reality Checks - setting hourly reminders on your phone with questions that prompt reflection, such as "What would a confident guy do right now?" or "How well am I living by my values right now?"
- research proven successes in the areas of life you're interested in improving, and ask "What are they doing that I'm not?"
- when looking at autopilot behaviours, asking "Who set this autopilot?"
Resources
If you're really serious about improving your situation by becoming more aware, grab a copy of my book The Legendary Life - www.amazon.com/Legendary-Life-Motivation-Confidence-Authentic/dp/099634022X/