Post by Kwando on Oct 24, 2015 17:06:43 GMT 12
Something interesting happened to me during the meetup. One of the bros mentioned the fear he felt around bungie jumping. As soon as he began to describe the situation, I noticed my heart rate instantly increase, and I felt a tightness in my chest. I realised that I was picturing what it would be like if the rope snapped and I hit the ground. I realized what was going on was that I was feeling a physical sensation as a result of focusing onto a thought of something that hasn’t actually happened., which helped me realize how we can begin to deal with it.
What is it?
Important aspects of fear
How to manage it?
1. Diffusion + Presence
2. Reframing
3. Visualizing a positive future performance
4. Desensitisation
5. Finding evidence
6. Flooding
What is it?
- Both a physical sensation (e.g. heartrate increase, sweaty palms, butterflys) and emotional sensation (panic, anxiety, confusion)
- Actual survival instinct (perceived danger → fear)
- Social fears - tribal groups, and the dependence on groups for survival, created a fear of expulsion
- Our ability to imagine the future, mis-directed as a fictional failure or unacceptable risk.
- It can be rational (survival risk e.g. falling off a building) and irrational (public speaking i.e. not an actual life threatening situation)
- We react with a flight, fight, or freeze response
- Frequently, fear is an imagined future, rather than a present risk.
- Fear can be useful in life/death situations
- We often experience fear regarding things that no longer represent any level of survival risk, e.g. public speaking
- Fear in and of itself is harmless and can even be useful.
- You can be completely rational in the face of fear, even a pretty strong degree of fear.
- It’s all in your head. Your brain is creating that fear, and you can un-create it.
How to manage it?
1. Diffusion + Presence
- Break down the fear into small components that can be understood and dealt with individually.
- Instead of locking onto the future thought (which has not actually happened + no evidence + no survival risk), instead, focus on what is actually going on right now – being present.
- e.g. focus on exploring the physical sensation of fear “I’m feeling my heart rate increase, I’m feeling shortness of breath, scattered thoughts, and on immediate reality “I’m feeling the wind on my face, I’m hearing the sound of a bus outside, I can see a guy walking his dog..”
2. Reframing
- Applying a more useful frame to the situation.
- E.g. When approaching a girl, instead of trying to get her number, reframe the situation to “I’m going to express myself honestly to her” or “I’m going to make this girl’s day” (giving rather than taking)
3. Visualizing a positive future performance
- This could be done by asking the question “What is the best possible outcome?”
- Repeatedly visualizing yourself living out the positive outcome rather than the negative.
4. Desensitisation
- Breaking something big and scary into small, slightly uncomfortable steps.
- This could be using a rating system e.g. if something like approaching a girl is 10/10 for fear, then looking an old guy in the eye might be 1/10, saying hi to the cashier my be 2/10, looking at a girl in the eye might be 3/10, etc.
5. Finding evidence
- Using a pen and paper to write down the actual fear, then identify the beliefs behind it and try and find evidence to support and dispute the beliefs.
- E.g. If you discover that your fear behind approaching a stranger is that “it will be perceived as creepy”, “I’ll get rejected”, “I’ll be embarrassed”, ask yourself “What evidence do I have to support this?”. Write the evidence down (if any). Then ask yourself, “What evidence do I have to dispute this?” and write this down. Some answers to the second question could be “My friend X approached Y number of girls and ended up in multiple relationships”, “I don’t personally know anybody that has been brutally rejected by an attractive girl” etc.
6. Flooding
- Can be effective if the level of fear is low ( well below panic level ). It is faster than many other options.
- Can be detrimental if you overdo it, or things go badly. i.e. if you end up with more “perceived evidence” in support of the fear.
Something interesting happened to me during the meetup. One of the bros mentioned the fear he felt around bungie jumping. As soon as he began to describe the situation, I noticed my heart rate instantly increase, and I felt a tightness in my chest. I realised that I was picturing what it would be like if the rope snapped and I hit the ground. This made it more real to me that fear can be described as a physical sensation that occurs as a result of locking onto a thought of something that hasn’t actually happened.
I found it fascinating learning about how other bros experience fear in different situations. Realizing that a fear that stops someone from doing something, then being non-existent to someone else, emphasized to me how irrational it is.