Post by The Dan on Jan 16, 2016 9:52:58 GMT 12
"There is no such thing as failure, there are only results" - Tony Robbins
What does it mean to be emotionally attached to outcomes?
- your 'happiness' and satisfaction in life is determined by the results you get
- only 'winning' is a good experience, anything else is seen as a failure
- you become needy about a certain result, which leads you to engage in behaviour that pushes the result away (e.g. if you appear desperate during a job interview you will make them think you just want a job for money, so they won't hire you)
How do we know we have become attached to trying to GET something?
- you have a limited number of possible outcomes in our mind, usually just 2 (e.g. she will be attracted to me or she will reject me), and are not open to any others
- you experience anxiety, which can only happen in relation to thoughts about future predictions
- you experience feelings of hope, dread or wishing
- all you care about is the 'end'; you lose the ability to enjoy the process/journey
How does this attachment affect our thoughts, feelings and behaviour?
- you eliminate the possibility of something new and exciting happening, because you only allow two possibilities to happen (e.g. walking away from someone you're attracted to when you find out they're not single, instead of staying to see what other kind of connection you two might create)
- your neediness leads to fear-based decision making, which is more likely to be about short-term gain rather than long-term rewards
- you find it hard to be present because you're constantly working toward your future prediction, therefore you miss out on actually experiencing the event at all
Where does the belief that we need to GET something come from?
- scarcity you learn in childhood
- being praised or reprimanded about your results, rather than your attempts
- belief that enjoyment in life comes from external sources rather than internal satisfaction
- being taught to achieve goals rather than use goals to live by your values
What does it mean to be unattached to outcomes?
- open-minded to ANYTHING happening, and being adaptable to all possible outcomes, including those you haven't thought could happen
- "Let's see what happens" rather than "I hope that X happens"
- pleasure comes from doing the thing rather than winning
- driven by values rather than results
When we don’t care about external results, how does it change the way we do things?
- more open to making the most of any situation and working around barriers
- less anxiety so more presence and enjoyment
- richer experience rather than funneling possibilities into only 2 options
- neediness is removed so you behave more confidently and take bigger risks, allowing for much bigger rewards to take place
How do we achieve this freedom without losing the drive to do it?
- look at WHY you are doing it, and change it from getting something to living by a value (e.g. going into a job interview because you need a job, but letting go of getting that particularly job and just focusing on being Honest)
- use the potential outcome as a guide rather than it being the only path - goals are about living by your values rather than getting a result - all goals should be process-focused (e.g. instead of "lose weight" it should be "eat healthy")
- aim to Give rather than Get
- remind yourself that everything is just PRACTICE - there is no such thing as a final result
- focus on every task fully or don't do it at all, nothing in-between - Hell Yeah v Hell No
- after every task or activity ask yourself "What have I learned from this experience?" so that you build up appreciation for the process
Resources
Check out the video on Letting Go of Outcomes - www.theinspirationallifestyle.com/letting-go-of-outcomes/
What does it mean to be emotionally attached to outcomes?
- your 'happiness' and satisfaction in life is determined by the results you get
- only 'winning' is a good experience, anything else is seen as a failure
- you become needy about a certain result, which leads you to engage in behaviour that pushes the result away (e.g. if you appear desperate during a job interview you will make them think you just want a job for money, so they won't hire you)
How do we know we have become attached to trying to GET something?
- you have a limited number of possible outcomes in our mind, usually just 2 (e.g. she will be attracted to me or she will reject me), and are not open to any others
- you experience anxiety, which can only happen in relation to thoughts about future predictions
- you experience feelings of hope, dread or wishing
- all you care about is the 'end'; you lose the ability to enjoy the process/journey
How does this attachment affect our thoughts, feelings and behaviour?
- you eliminate the possibility of something new and exciting happening, because you only allow two possibilities to happen (e.g. walking away from someone you're attracted to when you find out they're not single, instead of staying to see what other kind of connection you two might create)
- your neediness leads to fear-based decision making, which is more likely to be about short-term gain rather than long-term rewards
- you find it hard to be present because you're constantly working toward your future prediction, therefore you miss out on actually experiencing the event at all
Where does the belief that we need to GET something come from?
- scarcity you learn in childhood
- being praised or reprimanded about your results, rather than your attempts
- belief that enjoyment in life comes from external sources rather than internal satisfaction
- being taught to achieve goals rather than use goals to live by your values
What does it mean to be unattached to outcomes?
- open-minded to ANYTHING happening, and being adaptable to all possible outcomes, including those you haven't thought could happen
- "Let's see what happens" rather than "I hope that X happens"
- pleasure comes from doing the thing rather than winning
- driven by values rather than results
When we don’t care about external results, how does it change the way we do things?
- more open to making the most of any situation and working around barriers
- less anxiety so more presence and enjoyment
- richer experience rather than funneling possibilities into only 2 options
- neediness is removed so you behave more confidently and take bigger risks, allowing for much bigger rewards to take place
How do we achieve this freedom without losing the drive to do it?
- look at WHY you are doing it, and change it from getting something to living by a value (e.g. going into a job interview because you need a job, but letting go of getting that particularly job and just focusing on being Honest)
- use the potential outcome as a guide rather than it being the only path - goals are about living by your values rather than getting a result - all goals should be process-focused (e.g. instead of "lose weight" it should be "eat healthy")
- aim to Give rather than Get
- remind yourself that everything is just PRACTICE - there is no such thing as a final result
- focus on every task fully or don't do it at all, nothing in-between - Hell Yeah v Hell No
- after every task or activity ask yourself "What have I learned from this experience?" so that you build up appreciation for the process
Resources
Check out the video on Letting Go of Outcomes - www.theinspirationallifestyle.com/letting-go-of-outcomes/