Post by The Dan on Jan 19, 2016 16:26:21 GMT 12
What’s the difference between healthy and unhealthy relationships?
HEALTHY v UNHEALTHY
Desire v Obligation
Equal energy v Unequal energy
Peaceful v Stressful
Respect v Patronising
Accepting and enjoying v Questioning and Rationalising
Equal giving v Parasitic using
Uplifting v Draining
Both gaining (increasing value) v Transactional (swapping value)
Clear expectations and acceptance v Disappointment and confusion
Do it just to do it v Attached to outcomes
Empathy v Judgment
Open and honest v Hiding, deceitful and secretive
Motivated to engage v Apathy, feeling like it's a chore, lack of contact
Authentic v Avoiding rejection
Equal or no status v Insecurity about status
Curious and eager v Forced and pressured
Why do we stay in unhealthy connections?
- pressure from society to achieve a quantity of people (popularity) rather than quality
- passive is easier than assertive - it appears like less work to tolerate a poor relationship than to end it
- loneliness and fear of abandonment
- belief that we will hurt others by ending a connection
- "Better than nothing"
- avoid social consequences e.g. losing other friends who are connected to both, or awkwardness
What must we do to face our fears and insecurities around ending unhealthy connections?
- choose to value our time and energy more than being popular
- live by values and be willing to lose EVERYTHING to have integrity
- learn how to be comfortable being alone (e.g. go to dinner and a movie by yourself, practice people-watching, travel alone)
- learn social abundance by learning how to initiate and create new connections brojo.co.nz/bootcamp/
How do we end it?
- Calling out value-behavior - set boundaries about how you want them to change and allow them to decide to either change or leave
- stop putting effort into it and see if it dies a natural death
- clearly eliminate them from your life, cut off from facebook, delete phone number etc., after telling them this is happening and why
Resources:
On confrontations to set boundaries: www.theinspirationallifestyle.com/why-you-need-to-have-confrontations/
Starting out right so you don't need to go through this: www.theinspirationallifestyle.com/how-to-create-an-authentic-relationship/
HEALTHY v UNHEALTHY
Desire v Obligation
Equal energy v Unequal energy
Peaceful v Stressful
Respect v Patronising
Accepting and enjoying v Questioning and Rationalising
Equal giving v Parasitic using
Uplifting v Draining
Both gaining (increasing value) v Transactional (swapping value)
Clear expectations and acceptance v Disappointment and confusion
Do it just to do it v Attached to outcomes
Empathy v Judgment
Open and honest v Hiding, deceitful and secretive
Motivated to engage v Apathy, feeling like it's a chore, lack of contact
Authentic v Avoiding rejection
Equal or no status v Insecurity about status
Curious and eager v Forced and pressured
Why do we stay in unhealthy connections?
- pressure from society to achieve a quantity of people (popularity) rather than quality
- passive is easier than assertive - it appears like less work to tolerate a poor relationship than to end it
- loneliness and fear of abandonment
- belief that we will hurt others by ending a connection
- "Better than nothing"
- avoid social consequences e.g. losing other friends who are connected to both, or awkwardness
What must we do to face our fears and insecurities around ending unhealthy connections?
- choose to value our time and energy more than being popular
- live by values and be willing to lose EVERYTHING to have integrity
- learn how to be comfortable being alone (e.g. go to dinner and a movie by yourself, practice people-watching, travel alone)
- learn social abundance by learning how to initiate and create new connections brojo.co.nz/bootcamp/
How do we end it?
- Calling out value-behavior - set boundaries about how you want them to change and allow them to decide to either change or leave
- stop putting effort into it and see if it dies a natural death
- clearly eliminate them from your life, cut off from facebook, delete phone number etc., after telling them this is happening and why
Resources:
On confrontations to set boundaries: www.theinspirationallifestyle.com/why-you-need-to-have-confrontations/
Starting out right so you don't need to go through this: www.theinspirationallifestyle.com/how-to-create-an-authentic-relationship/