Post by The Dan on Jan 26, 2016 11:37:37 GMT 12
What qualifies as public speaking?
- weddings and parties, any event where you have to speak to a crowd
- any situation where you speak to a group of people
- being the centre of attention socially
- it's all subjective; different definitions for each person - it's all about how many people need to be paying attention before you become nervous
What kind of fear reactions do we have to the concept of public speaking?
- performance anxiety; racing thoughts, increased heart-rate, clammy palms, perspiration, tenseness in chest, sickness in stomach, tight throat
- belief that you only have 'one chance'; that it's a big deal to screw it up
- predictions of some vague consequence if people don't like it
- predictions of embarrassment and humiliation
What are we really afraid of?
- social rejection, being an outcast
- 'looking bad'
- abandonment and loneliness
- reputation risk - think we could lose our friends, job, social status etc.
Why do we associate being noticed/centre of attention with danger?
- childhood trauma, like being rejected by peers for being too intelligent, or too dumb
- movies and other media in childhood that inaccurately portray social rejection as being literally painful (e.g. in the Disney movie Frozen the lead character is literally chased away by a crowd)
- TV programs like The Office which give the impression that everybody is judging you all the time
- vicarious trauma - feeling sorry for someone else's experience, like seeing the kid in class who gets the answer wrong and then gets humiliated by the teacher for it
- most importantly, we often do not have any real evidence that being socially rejected causes measurable harm - it's just the worry of embarrassment, which cannot be measured externally (it's all in your head!)
What needs to change for us to build courage in this area?
- continued exposure - desensitisation - choosing to engage in manageable but uncomfortable public speaking events on a regular basis (like speaking up at Brojo, going to Toastmasters, suggesting ideas to a group of friends)
- flooding the fear - instead of fighting anxiety, use it, by treating it as a source of energy. For example, if you feel shy about speaking loudly, then shout out something in a public place. Go full on and everything else after that will feel like nothing in comparison
What would need to change about the way we see public speaking?
- build up evidence that no harm comes from making errors in a public speaking situation - continued exposure will show you that you survive every time
- pay attention and recognise the difference between expected pain (such as feelings of embarrassment) and real pain (such as someone stabbing you) - you cause yourself pain, no one else is actually doing anything to you
How can we let go of being ‘good’ at public speaking, and be willing to be ‘bad’ in order to learn/grow?
- reward yourself for 'turning up' - let go of performing to anyone's standards - the achievement is showing up
- chase No's - go so far beyond your capability that you will definitely fail - allow yourself to fail on purpose so that you can let go of succeeding completely
- break all the 'rules' that you think exist (like "It's not ok to shout in public) until there are no rules left
Resources
www.theinspirationallifestyle.com/the-fear-of-being-noticed/
www.theinspirationallifestyle.com/how-to-talk-with-confidence-7-public-speaking-tips/
- weddings and parties, any event where you have to speak to a crowd
- any situation where you speak to a group of people
- being the centre of attention socially
- it's all subjective; different definitions for each person - it's all about how many people need to be paying attention before you become nervous
What kind of fear reactions do we have to the concept of public speaking?
- performance anxiety; racing thoughts, increased heart-rate, clammy palms, perspiration, tenseness in chest, sickness in stomach, tight throat
- belief that you only have 'one chance'; that it's a big deal to screw it up
- predictions of some vague consequence if people don't like it
- predictions of embarrassment and humiliation
What are we really afraid of?
- social rejection, being an outcast
- 'looking bad'
- abandonment and loneliness
- reputation risk - think we could lose our friends, job, social status etc.
Why do we associate being noticed/centre of attention with danger?
- childhood trauma, like being rejected by peers for being too intelligent, or too dumb
- movies and other media in childhood that inaccurately portray social rejection as being literally painful (e.g. in the Disney movie Frozen the lead character is literally chased away by a crowd)
- TV programs like The Office which give the impression that everybody is judging you all the time
- vicarious trauma - feeling sorry for someone else's experience, like seeing the kid in class who gets the answer wrong and then gets humiliated by the teacher for it
- most importantly, we often do not have any real evidence that being socially rejected causes measurable harm - it's just the worry of embarrassment, which cannot be measured externally (it's all in your head!)
What needs to change for us to build courage in this area?
- continued exposure - desensitisation - choosing to engage in manageable but uncomfortable public speaking events on a regular basis (like speaking up at Brojo, going to Toastmasters, suggesting ideas to a group of friends)
- flooding the fear - instead of fighting anxiety, use it, by treating it as a source of energy. For example, if you feel shy about speaking loudly, then shout out something in a public place. Go full on and everything else after that will feel like nothing in comparison
What would need to change about the way we see public speaking?
- build up evidence that no harm comes from making errors in a public speaking situation - continued exposure will show you that you survive every time
- pay attention and recognise the difference between expected pain (such as feelings of embarrassment) and real pain (such as someone stabbing you) - you cause yourself pain, no one else is actually doing anything to you
How can we let go of being ‘good’ at public speaking, and be willing to be ‘bad’ in order to learn/grow?
- reward yourself for 'turning up' - let go of performing to anyone's standards - the achievement is showing up
- chase No's - go so far beyond your capability that you will definitely fail - allow yourself to fail on purpose so that you can let go of succeeding completely
- break all the 'rules' that you think exist (like "It's not ok to shout in public) until there are no rules left
Resources
www.theinspirationallifestyle.com/the-fear-of-being-noticed/
www.theinspirationallifestyle.com/how-to-talk-with-confidence-7-public-speaking-tips/