Post by The Dan on Feb 9, 2016 11:20:07 GMT 12
How much of communication is non-verbal (beyond words)?
- Most studies indicate between 70-95% of all communication is beyond the words used
- Touch, body movement, facial expression, voice tone and pacing (aka paralinguistics)
What happens when communication has no physical element, such as texts and emails?
- misunderstand the message
- make massive assumptions about how the other person is feeling, and are usually wrong
- creates conflict where there doesn't need to be, due to these assumptions
- need for excessive emojis and other symbols to try and recreate physical expression
- comes across as cold and hostile
- studies show newborn infants die without touch, and many research projects suggest that children deprived of affection and touch when younger become more prone to validation-seeking behavior as adults (e.g. sleeping around with people indiscriminately) - as Rod said "If a daughter can't sit in her father's lap, she'll find another guy to sit on"
What's the benefit in using touch, facial expressions and body language to communicate?
- can emphasize key points much more powerfully
- can increase intimacy
- removes the need for fancy words and language - people who don't speak the same language can still communicate
- increases comfort and trust
- adds layers to the words' message so that it is clearer and makes more sense
Why do we feel uncomfortable using touch to communicate?
- NZ culture is particularly homophobic, so the idea of touching other men is seen always as sexual. This then translates to all touch being seen as sexual by some people
- lots of articles and bullshit on the internet about guys being 'creepy' when they touch, which is not an accurate representation of how people feel about receiving a confident touch
- we apologise when someone is upset by our non-verbal communication, instead of owning it, which makes them react even more negatively, which increases our false belief that touch is 'wrong'
How to relearn using touch as a form of communication. First, answer these questions:
- What is low-risk touching that we could all start doing more of tomorrow?
- What is high-risk touching that we don’t yet feel comfortable doing?
- How do we know when touch is inappropriate?
Some key elements to learning how to touch:
- Remove it before it gets uncomfortable – don’t linger, allow them to get used to you touching in short doses
- Start with joints – knees, elbows and shoulders are the safest
- Guide people with touch, through the lower back, holding hands, turning via the shoulder
- Take up couples-based dancing – this is the quickest way to get familiar with touch as a form of communication
- Most studies indicate between 70-95% of all communication is beyond the words used
- Touch, body movement, facial expression, voice tone and pacing (aka paralinguistics)
What happens when communication has no physical element, such as texts and emails?
- misunderstand the message
- make massive assumptions about how the other person is feeling, and are usually wrong
- creates conflict where there doesn't need to be, due to these assumptions
- need for excessive emojis and other symbols to try and recreate physical expression
- comes across as cold and hostile
- studies show newborn infants die without touch, and many research projects suggest that children deprived of affection and touch when younger become more prone to validation-seeking behavior as adults (e.g. sleeping around with people indiscriminately) - as Rod said "If a daughter can't sit in her father's lap, she'll find another guy to sit on"
What's the benefit in using touch, facial expressions and body language to communicate?
- can emphasize key points much more powerfully
- can increase intimacy
- removes the need for fancy words and language - people who don't speak the same language can still communicate
- increases comfort and trust
- adds layers to the words' message so that it is clearer and makes more sense
Why do we feel uncomfortable using touch to communicate?
- NZ culture is particularly homophobic, so the idea of touching other men is seen always as sexual. This then translates to all touch being seen as sexual by some people
- lots of articles and bullshit on the internet about guys being 'creepy' when they touch, which is not an accurate representation of how people feel about receiving a confident touch
- we apologise when someone is upset by our non-verbal communication, instead of owning it, which makes them react even more negatively, which increases our false belief that touch is 'wrong'
How to relearn using touch as a form of communication. First, answer these questions:
- What is low-risk touching that we could all start doing more of tomorrow?
- What is high-risk touching that we don’t yet feel comfortable doing?
- How do we know when touch is inappropriate?
Some key elements to learning how to touch:
- Remove it before it gets uncomfortable – don’t linger, allow them to get used to you touching in short doses
- Start with joints – knees, elbows and shoulders are the safest
- Guide people with touch, through the lower back, holding hands, turning via the shoulder
- Take up couples-based dancing – this is the quickest way to get familiar with touch as a form of communication