Post by The Dan on Jun 13, 2016 10:21:57 GMT 12
What is people-pleasing?
- moderating your behaviour to be appropriate and seek approval
- trying to make people like you
- manipulating people into a state of happiness in your presence
- more about intention than actions: the intention is to seek approval (as opposed to being genuinely kind or generous)
What are the symptoms – how do you behave differently when people pleasing?
- helping without being asked, or giving unsolicited advice
- sacrificing your own priorities to support others
- apologising for normal behaviour
- pretending to agree when you really don't
- extra smiling and pretending to be happy as often as possible - hiding real emotions
- biting your tongue if you think what you say will offend someone
- trying to cheer people up and move them toward happiness, whether they want to or not
- mind-reading and making massive assumptions about what others are thinking, without hard evidence
Why do we do it / what are we afraid of?
- avoid rejection and abandonment
- try to make EVERYONE like you
- avoid confrontation, embarrassment and ostracism
What are the benefits of people-pleasing?
- feel like everyone likes you
- very few confrontations
What are the costs?
- complete loss of integrity and sense of self
- self-loathing
- constant worry and exhaustion from trying to read people all the time
- unproductive due to sacrificing your top priorities
- only superficial relationships
What’s the difference between people pleasing and being authentic?
- check out this list www.theinspirationallifestyle.com/are-you-a-toxic-approval-seeker/
How do we be more authentic – practical application?
- speak your mind more often, take the risk of creating a confrontation
- slow down and think before you respond to people, break the autopilot response pattern
- start small, tell people how you really feel when they ask "How are you?" and build up from there
- list everything you do for the reason of pleasing others, and experiment with not doing those things for a few weeks, just to see what happens
- start living by your core values brojo.freeforums.net/thread/101/valued-living
Resources
People pleasing checklist www.theinspirationallifestyle.com/self-sacrifice-10-signs-that-you-are-a-people-pleaser/
- moderating your behaviour to be appropriate and seek approval
- trying to make people like you
- manipulating people into a state of happiness in your presence
- more about intention than actions: the intention is to seek approval (as opposed to being genuinely kind or generous)
What are the symptoms – how do you behave differently when people pleasing?
- helping without being asked, or giving unsolicited advice
- sacrificing your own priorities to support others
- apologising for normal behaviour
- pretending to agree when you really don't
- extra smiling and pretending to be happy as often as possible - hiding real emotions
- biting your tongue if you think what you say will offend someone
- trying to cheer people up and move them toward happiness, whether they want to or not
- mind-reading and making massive assumptions about what others are thinking, without hard evidence
Why do we do it / what are we afraid of?
- avoid rejection and abandonment
- try to make EVERYONE like you
- avoid confrontation, embarrassment and ostracism
What are the benefits of people-pleasing?
- feel like everyone likes you
- very few confrontations
What are the costs?
- complete loss of integrity and sense of self
- self-loathing
- constant worry and exhaustion from trying to read people all the time
- unproductive due to sacrificing your top priorities
- only superficial relationships
What’s the difference between people pleasing and being authentic?
- check out this list www.theinspirationallifestyle.com/are-you-a-toxic-approval-seeker/
How do we be more authentic – practical application?
- speak your mind more often, take the risk of creating a confrontation
- slow down and think before you respond to people, break the autopilot response pattern
- start small, tell people how you really feel when they ask "How are you?" and build up from there
- list everything you do for the reason of pleasing others, and experiment with not doing those things for a few weeks, just to see what happens
- start living by your core values brojo.freeforums.net/thread/101/valued-living
Resources
People pleasing checklist www.theinspirationallifestyle.com/self-sacrifice-10-signs-that-you-are-a-people-pleaser/